Not quite sure how to sum up how the day went today. So I'll just recall how the day went. Madi is off to Kathryn's house and Kat was coming in the early afternoon to pick her up so they could hang out for a little while today.
Madi woke up and went to the computer. She was told that same rule applied today as yesterday - no games until her IXL was finished. She's been fighting us on trying to do it so we're trying to give her motivation to work towards getting some math practice in. And yesterday it worked. Today was a somewhat different story.
She started on her IXL. Instead of minutes, I gave her sections to complete. This way she is not watching her time and is more focused on just completing what is in front of her. There were six sections listed. Two of the sections she had already completed 75 and 79% of so there wasn't much left of them. Two of the sections were very easy. Two were somewhat challenging. Madi was great about jumping in and decided to get to it right away to finish. But she wasn't wanting to write anything down and wanted to lay down in her chair with her feet on the desk. Wasn't working for me and I asked her to sit up tall and to take her time and write down the problems and work through them. She glared at me and refused to write them down so I let her work through her choice on that. It didn't go very well.
For every question missed, the program sets you back so that it gives you more practice on the skill you need practice on. She did fabulous and fast on the fraction sections. So two down - four to go. She had a very, very, very hard time with skip counting problems and refused to write anything down. Wanted to do it all in her head. An example would be:
Kenton skip-counted, beginning at 5, until he reached 32. Which of these numbers could he have been counting by?
2
3
4
5
10
So Madi would have to start with number 5 and write out:
counting by 2's: 5 - 7 - 9- 11 - 13 - 15... etc.
And this would let her know if she would have been able to count by 2's to reach 32.
Instead she was doing it in her head. If she checked one of them wrong, it counted the whole thing wrong. I told her that I would help her if she would write it down and check her answers and I could then double check her work. But she wouldn't do it.
She got one answer wrong, put her knees to her chest and told me she had a headache. I told her that I'm sorry that she got the answer wrong, she did not have a headache and always tried that excuse any time that she didn't want to do something. She didn't say anything. So I told her to work through it, write it down and continue on. I told her that we don't always get everything right the first time and she would need to learn to work past her frustration and her one wrong answer and keep going. Instead she sat there. For minutes and minutes. I finally told her to take a break and get a drink or whatever and return to it. Or to start another section. She continued to just sit and pout and complain. So I told her that I don't do drama, I don't cave to pouting and that she could continue on now or take a short break. I gave her a little more time and she was still doing nothing. So I gave her some space and got the girls involved in some other things - Julia playing and Riley on her IXL stuff.
Madi kept whining and complaining. So I told her she just needed to try and get on with it and try. That she wasn't going to get out of it because was pouting. She glared again and I took the girls upstairs. Madi decided to start ripping her paper so I called down and said that it was not a good idea to start mistreating things and that I would be adding another section on - seeing that she was throwing fits and giving no effort and trying to manipulate the situation.
She wasn't happy about it, but went to work immediately. I added a very simple section that she soared through in no time. Then she got to a part where she got another answer wrong and repeated the whole process. Completely exhausting working through it with her and trying to be patient and matter of fact without getting angry with her about her attitude.
So she continued pouting and I tried to encourage her to do it and just told her that she needed to try and stop complaining. She went back to it and would not stop trying to manipulate trying to get out of it. She threw herself on the ground in front of the keyboard and just kept looking at me and moaning. So I added one more section on (super easy - she breezed through that one as well). My point was that complaining, manipulating and forcing tears was not going to work. It wasn't about the math at this point - it was about her effort and attitude.
She worked through every section - took her about 3 hours with all the attitudes and fits - except for one. She reached 86% on it and was told she could do it - keep going - etc... She was trying and trying to get it to where I would see her emotional and just cave. Then Kat came over.
Madi was told that if she didn't finish, she would have two more sections added to do at Kat's house tonight. Not about the math - everything to do with her trying to work out of it. I asked Kat what to do and she said why doesn't she just finish at my house. Madi was listening in the other room and cut off the tears immediately and was fine when I went to check on her - no tears, no pouts and she clearly thought that she had gotten out of it. I said that was fine, but shared what I had told Madi. She was fine with that and I went to talk with Madi. Madi looked at me and was like "ok." So she'll be finishing it tonight.
This isn't the most positive blog post to date, but lately, it has been tough around here. We're doing our best to help her prepare for school and to make right choices and she is fighting us on every level. I could have backed down from what she was asked to do today. I could have also made things harder by giving her sections that would have challenged her immensely when adding new ones on. But neither of those would have helped her.
She is trying anything and everything she can to get us to cave to her desires and to get out of things that are expected. We're holding tough and wanting her to know that we will be consistent and firm and loving. It really is to her benefit that she work through things (like IXL) because she gives up the first time it is hard or the first time she gets one answer wrong or when she just doesn't see why she should do it. None of her usual attempts at getting out of things are working and she's quite frustrated about it. Don't know how she tried to get out of things there, but she's trying about everything she can think of here.
When they left, I asked her for a hug and told her I loved her and that I was being tough on her because I loved her. If I didn't, I wouldn't be trying to help her make the right choices. I told her to have a great weekend - which they totally will.
I'm sure next week will be better and possibly having some time away will help all of us regroup. After all, no one said that every day would be perfect or easy. Feel free to message me on Facebook or call on Facetime to our computer at our house if you want to chat about today. Possible you may have handled it better than I did. Just did the best I could and tried to stay matter of fact and emotionally out of it so I didn't lose it.
This blog is quite down and negative. Sorry about that. I'll end by saying that I love Madi and she's an amazing girl. And she's growing in so many ways and so are we. Learning each day!
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