Today was a really great day. We were all a little bit more calm after the events of yesterday. Would make a great book (sort of):
The Case of the Missing Knife
We've had our chef's knife missing for several months. We noticed it missing after we got back from the cruise and after Poppi and Grammy were over sometime in June or May. Honestly can't remember the exact dates. But the knife is our largest in the house. And it wasn't to be found anywhere.
We even did a thorough search of Madi's room while she was gone one day. She was in a role play phase and was acting like an elfen and other characters so we thought that maybe she had taken it.
Yesterday she found it under her bed. She said she didn't take it and that it was just found and that she had no idea how it got there. In the recent events of being lied to about several things and being tested to no end, neither Jeremy nor I believed her. And we weren't shy about saying so. We couldn't understand how it couldn't have been her. She hasn't had anyone over. She's the only one that sleeps in the room.
It was suggested that Lauren, our babysitter, may have taken it into the room when she stayed with Jules while we were on the cruise. I could have sworn that she said she slept in Riley's room. I was very wrong on that one.
Last night Jeremy and I were trying to figure out the pieces and put it all together. We wanted to believe Madi but were having a very hard time trusting her. I went ahead and texted Lauren. When she didn't answer the text, I called and left a message. A few hours later, she replied that she was so incredibly sorry to have put Madi through this. She said she took the knife for protection as she gets very very scared at night when she is sleeping alone in a house. And she totally forgot she had put it there. And then Madi found it - it was weird timing - and it just looked fishy.
Jeremy and I feel so incredibly relieved to know that Madi was telling the truth and that she held her ground when we asked her several times this weekend.
First thing this morning, I apologized to her and Jeremy apologized to her. We did tell her that it is important to be truthful at all times as we would have been able to trust her response more had she not lied several times this past week and disobeyed out of lack of respect. We made it very short and definitely made it clear that we were in the wrong on this one. That we were sorry for making her feel guilty and that we just couldn't figure out the right answer until we got the text from Lauren.
We got to school and she and I had a good conversation just hanging out. Talking about nothing and everything at the same time. She mentioned that she was really nervous about the changes coming up. I told her that we all were and that she was probably the most nervous of all as new things are coming. I encouraged her to talk to our counselor. She'll be speaking with her tomorrow. It will be great for her to have a support system of people to help her adjust.
Ms. T, the counselor, and I spoke briefly this morning. She reminded me that we are going to be on a roller coaster of emotions these next seven weeks. That Madi will go from calm to hyper to sad to scared and back again many times. That the best thing we can do is stay calm and be security and reassurance of what we do know. And help her work through this time. She's looking forward to talking to Madi and I think it will be very helpful to her to have Ms. T.
After school, Madi and I got a little bit of time together just the two of us. She asked about our conversation yesterday and then talked again about some things. I mentioned that I knew that she felt that we didn't love her. She was surprised that I knew she had said that. I told her that Grammy and I had talked last night. And that I felt very sad to think she thought that. I told her that there was nothing she could do that would make us not love her and that she was like one of our own kids and we would always love her - no matter what.
She got very quiet and then said very sweetly "Thanks Aunt Jess. That Means a lot." And I told her it was true. Then we talked some more about random things and picked up Riley from her playdate and Julia from preschool.
Madi had a test today on the 50 states and locating them on a blank outline map. Oy!! This is definitely not anything she is familiar with or anything we'd expect her to be familiar with. Last year they focused on Texas alone. Much simpler and less to remember. She knows that she didn't do well as she could only remember four or five states. She can recite them alphabetically, but can't place where they are.
We have a map puzzle that she used tonight and we got some blank outline maps online and printed them to practice. It has been a challenge to keep up with the fifth grade work as there is more for her to remember to do and it's been tough to really know what is coming. So it's something we have to help her work on and get in a groove with so that she is more prepared for tests. Honestly she hasn't had to really study or work outside of school until this year. And now there are new things (especially and mostly in social studies) that she has had no exposure to.
Jeremy lay down on her bed tonight and helped her with some parts. I helped her with other parts. She told us that she thought we'd be mad that she didn't know it. We explained that there was never any reason for her to know it and that this is just an area we'll have to spend more time on with her to help her get it. That we have high expectations in areas where she does excel. In this area, it's more of our job to help her get it - not to push her hard. She was appreciative. We gave tons of hugs and good nights and had a very affectionate night which was really great.
I truly think this weekend helped us realize that she may be testing us like crazy and she may be pushing many buttons, but she truly just wants to know if she is loved and if we care. It is not easy raising an eleven year old and especially challenging when they are going through some big changes that many kids don't go through. It's a challenging time and it's a big growth period. But she's going to handle it just fine. And we'll all come out stronger and more wise than we were when we started!
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