Has been an interesting week. Let's just say it's a great week for learning, growth, change, and character development. Much for Madi to think on this week as there have been some tough lessons along the way. So I'm really working on thinking positive about what is going on and asking for prayer for her (and us!). I really don't mean for the blog to be a dumping ground for what is happening negative. Trying to just use it to let you know what is going on and how it's being handled and as a way for us all to look back and see what happened throughout this year. The last few days in particular have just been very difficult.
I'll go back starting yesterday since the last blog was on Nov 1. I don't always write about every single event going on because some of it is small stuff that is easy to deal with, some of it is really great, some of it I totally forget before the day is done anyway and some of it just doesn't need to be said. :) Great thoughts huh?!
Yesterday was a tough day. All the way around. You name an area that is of difficulty right now and we're in the midst of it all. This will be fairly lengthy and I'm not trying to dump. But you do need to be made aware of what she is doing and how we're handling it and how others are handling it. I'll start with school.
Madi has been having trouble rushing through her work at school and as a result, her grades are not what they could be. Please don't confuse that as meaning that she's not doing well. Her grades are low A's and a high B. High B is in math and low A's in everything (most are 92's or 93's or 90's) except spelling which is 100% and that is based off of turning in spelling homework and a short quiz at the end of each week. The issue is that she's producing sloppy work that is done in hyper speed and while correct for the most part, is not her best work and therefore she is not getting even better grades. So Mrs. Campbell is having to get on to her about being on task, slowing down and not talking. And while the talking seems like it's not that big a deal, when it keeps others from getting their work done and they are not "A" students, that is an issue. And when it keeps Madi from being on task and achieving what she should be achieving, that is also an issue. So she's having a hard time with producing great work.
At lunch, the kids are given ten minutes to eat in silence at the end as most chatter away that they don't finish their food unless they are sitting in silence for a short period. Lunch is only 30 minutes. This has happened numerous times and yesterday she chose to goof around and laugh very loudly. She was given laps at recess as a result. But she was mad that she was given the laps because she didn't want to do them. She didn't see an issue with not following directions and being loud. Not just loud. Extremely loud, obsessive and obnoxious (as was described by a very kind and calm teacher who got on to her - not me or Mrs. Campbell).
Yesterday was also an eventful day when it came to friends. As we've shared before, Madi has moved from being in the crowd you'd want her to be in to now being in the crowd you would not want her to be in. She has bossed, sassed, and ordered enough kids around that they choose not to play with her and now she is with two girls who will play with her and one of them is fine; the other one is not at all. Mrs. Campbell came to my room after school yesterday and asked me where Madi was. I told her she was in Zumba and she told me that she needed to have a frank conversation with her and wanted me there so that I could learn exactly what had happened to hear it from both sides. So I asked if it was good or bad. She simply said "you'll see."
The three of us met in the hallway away from other students. Come to find out that both of her friends got into a very loud argument at recess. Madi was in the middle and didn't want to have to choose sides because she wants to be friends with both of them. (And yes, some of this is just girl drama that happens. And the girls were chatting away today. We're more concerned with how Madi handled it.) One of the girls stands up and starts screaming at the other one and accusing her, name calling, and putting the other girl down. The other girl starts to cry. Then the one who was screaming starts crying. Madi chooses to console the one that screamed and the other girl is left alone. When asked why she consoled the one who was screaming, she said it was because she was crying. Mrs. Campbell asked if the other girl was crying. Madi said "yes, but I went to my friend." She asked if the other girl was her friend. Madi said "yes." And she asked why she would console the one who was saying the hurtful, horrible things. Madi said it was because she was crying. So Mrs. Campbell asked her what needed to happen next. And we talked it through and she went to Zumba, I went to my meeting.
I had a talk with her again about friendships. And shared more insight into the mean girl. Told her that it is her choice to have friends like that (we've had her over for a sleepover already just to see them interact - not good), but that friends influence who you become, how you behave and where you life goes. I told her that we don't approve of their friendship, she will not be allowed over her house and the other girl will not be allowed over our house. Madi was quite sad because she likes the girl and says "well, she's nice to me" when asked how she treats others. I told her that she's not even nice to her - it's just that Madi puts up with her rudeness. Encouraged her to try to play with other kids and to seek out other girls that she had started to make friends with this summer.
Today at recess both of her friends were at study hall inside and she didn't have many people to play with. She said some girls were flying kites. I asked if she could have played with them and she said "Oh yea. I could have done that. I just didn't." Instead she spent the recess chasing two boys. And they chased her. The issue with this is that they are two boys that are in the group you wouldn't want her in. Found it interesting that she'd go to them instead of taking the opportunity to hang out with the good girls.
Now to home...
Last night several things came up and Jeremy spent 40 minutes talking with her about her behavior, attitude, choices, etc... I spent about 20 minutes talking about friends. We're really on overload because there are so many areas that she needs direction and help on that it's just hard to start small because every area affects another area. And I'm sure she's on overload as well.
She's having consequences for her actions and behaviors at school because we feel that if she's accountable at home, then maybe her misbehaviors at school will stop. For every lap she earns at school, she has to complete a section of IXL. The reason being that she is getting laps for the same thing every day and having to do more math will not only increase her math abilities, but is making her think twice about talking out in class and goofing around. Today was the first day in a while that she had no laps. However, she pouted and threw a fit about her two sections yesterday and sat in front of the computer putting on fake tears for a little while yesterday and wasted time she could have been getting it done. She got to a point last night where she walked into the living room and said she couldn't do it. We said "Madi, you're doing great! You're at 90% and don't have far to go. Keep going! You've got this!" To which she glared (she's got some evil stares, I tell you!) and said "I don't want to." And immediately turned off the tears. Jeremy and I looked at each other and said "So sorry. Get back in there and get it done." To which she pouted more. We simply gave her a time limit, told her she'd finish tomorrow and then let her know that there would be other consequences if the attitude continued as we don't deserve it and she is the only one who can change her situation.
We've had many things we're dealing with on the home front. Several attempts at lying and being called out on it. Telling us her laundry is put away only to find she's shoved her Halloween costume and her freshly washed and folded clothes all over the back of her closet among shoes and other items - right next to her dirty clothes - while there are tons of empty hangers. Telling us she had more laundry to bring down and me asking her (after just loading her hamper in the wash) "where were they?" and her lying to my face telling me she thought they were behind the hamper and me saying "tell me where they really were" and her mumbling the truth. Needing to be told to put trash in the trash can instead of in the middle of the counter. Leaving shoes,bags,clothes,etc... in the hallway after being asked to move them at least several times by both of us. Not flushing the toilet and letting it sit there for hours each day unless Jeremy and I double check on each time she goes to the bathroom to remind her and then docking her allowance if it's not done. These are literally small things that are becoming very challenging to handle because we've talked with her about them and she either shrugs it off, lies about them or simply just doesn't do them and doesn't care. We've docked allowance, we've taken shoes/nail polish/alarm clock radio/items that are left in the middle of the floor and stored them in our room until further notice. We're trying positive things and negative things. She gets extra time if things are done. She gets computer time.
We've praised her for anything that has been done positively. This morning I gave her a "you go girl!" when she flushed the toilet and said "thank you for doing that!" Don't think I've ever been so happy to see a toilet flushed in my life.
She was asked by a teacher as to which country she prefers (here or the philippines) and she told me that she said that she likes both places, but missed the Philippines because she could be sneaky and get away with things and do whatever she wanted. And I said "not as much freedom here, huh?" She said "No. not at all." So we're doing the best we can do and we're being fought every step of the way. It is taking much time and much patience and much endurance. She'll be all the better for it and I can only hope we'll become better people and parents as a result too. Just a tough period to push through.
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