Friday, September 28, 2012

Friday is finally here!

Has been an interesting time with Madi.  I talked with the counselor at school today and also talked with Madi about how she may want to talk with her.  That anything she shares is confidential and that it would not be passed on to me.  Don't want her worried about if I would know anything that is shared.  Would be really great for her to talk with somebody outside the family.  And Ed is awesome!  She's been someone who has really been wonderful for us as parents and is a great resource.

Ed shared with me that emotionally Madi is starting to prepare to leave us and is pulling back.  That for her sake, it's a way of protecting and preparing to move back with you.  Madi isn't aware of this and doesn't need to know it, but it definitely sheds light on why she's reverting back to things she hasn't tried in a long time.  She lies now and again, but the last week or so has been insane.  Her character has truly been terrible and it's been difficult to see her trying things she used to try when she first got here a year and a half ago - can't believe it's almost been that long!!

Ed said that it will be important for Jer and I to talk to her about things.  And to reassure her that there is change coming and that we won't be just leaving her stranded.  That we can share the things we do know to help keep her stable and secure.  And to reassure her that change is scary and that she will be safe and taken care of.

We had an incident this morning with lying.  She started talking about various things while I was getting set up for my first class.  She talked about how she was told not to write in red pen and check her answers with it or else she would be given a zero.  So she kept talking and said that she wanted to check her answers anyway so she did and then scribbled on her paper.  She was asked about it and lied to her teacher.  Said that she was testing out the pen to make sure it worked.  But she told me that in reality, she was just scribbling because she wanted to.  All over her assignment.

So I said "So... you lied to him?"  She got quiet and said "yes."  And I asked her why she lied.  She said "I didn't want to get a zero on it."  I said "So you purposefully wrote on the paper and did exactly what your teacher asked you not to.  And then lied to the teacher so you could keep your 80%."  She said "Yes."  So I then asked her "Well, are you going to talk to your teacher or should I?"  She said she would talk to the teacher.  I let her know that I would check back with the teacher at the end of the day to make sure she was being true to her word.  We prayed before she went on to the gym to wait for Ms. Von to pick up her class.

I emailed her teacher and Jeremy to keep him in the loop as to what was going on.  We had a few emails back and forth and she will be earning a 0% on the assignment as she tested the teacher, purposefully lied and purposefully chose to do exactly what her teacher asked her not to.

I did receive an email from her teacher letting me know that she did come and apologize.  Was very thankful to hear that.  I'm sure it wasn't easy,  but she has got to learn that lying is not the way to handle everything in life.  And she is definitely testing every area out with it.  Reminds me so much of what we dealt with when she first came here.  It could be a very testy couple of weeks before you come.  And I would very much expect that she is going to test you like crazy to see if you notice, if you do anything and if you follow through with helping her make the right decisions.  It is definitely a full time job to keep up with helping her learn integrity and morals and right character.  And I truly believe she is testing us at the moment to see if we still care even though we know you are returning.  I'm sure she is seeing that we do.  We've had some good snuggle time on the couch and some good talks.  Hasn't been anything out of anger - just disappointment in her lack of character.


Monday, September 24, 2012

Better Start This Week

Today was so much better than the last few days have been.  Really quite crazy how up and down and right and left tweens are in their behaviors and emotions.  We were able to have some good conversations last night and today which helped ease Madi's nervousness over all the change that will be coming soon.  She's got a lot on her mind and is trying to figure out how things are going to work out and what will happen and just wants to know she'll be ok.  So we talked about the things that will remain the same.  And as Ed, my friend and school counselor, says: "Kids want to know that they are loved, that they will be looked after and that everything is going to be ok."  So I've tried to really remind her that no matter what happens, she will be safe and secure and taken care of.  And that she is very much loved and wanted.

It has been really good for Madi to be able to express how she is feeling as she tends to bottle up her emotion and not talk about her feelings ever.  She is finally starting to be able to express "I am mad because..." or "I'm worried because..."  It's a really great thing that she is starting to open up more about her emotions and being able to deal with them outwardly instead of inwardly.

She turned in her third project for this six weeks today.  Did one the last three weekends.  The projects weren't due until this Friday, but now she's totally finished and doesn't have much work to do which is great!  We can all relax for a few weeks - yea!!!

Madi had her first choir rehearsal today.  It went really well!  The kids were more chatty than usual on the first day, but they also sang so incredibly well!  There are 47 students on Mondays and 41 students on Fridays which means the choir is nice and big and will sound awesome.  I'm excited that you'll be back in time to hear Madi sing at the basketball game as well as her holiday concerts.  That will mean so much to her!!



Saturday, September 22, 2012

Wrong Choices = Hard Week

Been a tough one for Madi this week.  She hasn't made the best of choices and is living out the result of those decisions.  I'll keep it in a nutshell and let her explain the rest.  Would be interesting to see if she'd play the blame game or fess up to what happened this week as she's been working very hard to

1.  Chose to play a game of tag with two friends in my room while I had a 20 minute meeting.  Was told they would be sitting and talking, but they chose to chase instead.

2.  Chose to play on her iPod at night for three nights in a row.  We have a no ipod on school nights rule from Monday thru Thursday so that she can focus on school work and after-school activities instead.  She chose to play on it.  The third night she did it, I went on Facebook and saw her activity on it.  We took a screen shot so we could show her.

3.  In the morning, I asked her if she wanted the good news first or the bad news. Good news was that she was going to get to go to her friend Elizabeth's house for a playdate after school.  Then I asked "Have you been on your iPod?"  She lied and said "No."  I asked her if she cared to revise her statement.  She shook her head no.  Then I told her that I had a screen shot of the activity from her iPod and asked her again if she had been on her iPod.  She fessed up to going on it, but didn't see anything wrong with it.  She knew it was wrong, but didn't care that she'd been on it.  This was Wednesday.  Still have not had an apology from her or any sign that she regrets having been caught or having done it.  Consequence:  no ipod or computer time unless to talk to Monica or school related until further notice.  We don't deal with lying or blatant disobedience.  And she doesn't tolerate small consequences well as she just overrides them the best she can.

4.  This morning she was talking to Monica and chose to then text Mason to talk to him.  As all texts also report to our phones, we knew right away.  She didn't apologize for doing it and didn't feel bad for it.  She, again, chose to blatantly disrespect the consequence of her previous action.  As a result, her iPod is wiped clean of everything except Facetime as she has proven not to be trustworthy in her character.

5.  Started a club with two friends.  They started inviting more students into the club only to feel that there were too many kids in the club.  Something happened between her and one of the other girls so Madi quit the club.  She and the other girls are now at odds.  Then she started a new club with a few other students.  She has a notebook she is keeping rules and consequences in for the actions of the club.  The rules are unbelievably terrible and rude.  Leaves students out and definitely draws the line between those in the club and those not.  We talked with her about how she is asking to be alienated and left by herself because she is pitting friends against friends.  We told her that she will not be allowed to participate in any clubs and if we hear of talk about it, there will be consequences.  That her goal should be to include people not exclude them and she is asking to be isolated and without friends in her actions.

We had a talk last night and Jeremy talked today to her about her actions.  And where she will end up down the road if she can't have respect, character, and obedience in her life.  We talked about how she needs to work on having good character and integrity even if noone is watching her.  And being the right kind of person and friend.  She has a tough outer shell and I know she is hearing what we are saying.  She does not act as though she cares and she does not respond as someone who cares.  It is really trying.


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Student Council Speech

Madi gave her speech yesterday.  She was very paced and did a great job reading it.  However, the girl she was up against also did a great job.  All of the third, fourth and fifth grade students voted yesterday afternoon.  Today they announced the students who earned the positions.  Madi will still be a member of Student Council, but she did not get the position of secretary.  She was bummed and didn't talk too much about it.

Hasn't been a really great week for her.  She's been quite difficult and challenging.  She is excited that you are coming back, but is very uncertain as to what exactly will happen when you get back.  She started to make some good choices in friends, but today decided to stop being a part of a group that she and two other girls created called "Club Epic."  The girl who won secretary and the other girl (who voted for the other girl) were the other two girls in the club.  Madi said she was trying to help one of the girls solve the issue of the fact that they invited too many kids into the club so it was too big.  The other girl didn't want her help and it was all totally confusing.  I told her that it was best that they didn't do it as it was clique-ish and left people out and they made it a mess by inviting other kids and then deciding that they shouldn't have that many kids in the group.  I heard a bit about it after school and just told her it would have been best not to get involved in things that exclude others.

The same group of girls came into my room to "sit and talk" about their club.  I had a short meeting so I was gone for about 20 minutes.  Come to find out that Madi and her friends played tag in my room for 15 minutes instead of "sitting and talking."  I was irate.  Between the cost of equipment in my room and the fact that I trusted them to "sit and talk," my trust in her making the right choices while I am out of my room was taken away.  So she is no longer allowed to have friends in the room after school for a while.  Riley was involved in it for a few minutes and she lost the privilege of having her friend in the room as well.  They played and then went on the computers.  Madi and her friends continued to chase repeatedly.  Riley cried and apologized and said sorry a million times.  Madi said nothing - still has not apologized and tried to blame Riley for making them play tag. Ugh.  Riley wasn't innocent, but she definitely did not take responsibility for doing it herself.  It just gets so old dealing with the blame game.

There was some good news today - She did get her progress report today - had all A's!  Did great there.  Two A's were as a result of doing her extra credit projects - in science and in math.  Without them, she would have B's.  Very glad she did the projects!!  This weekend we'll be going to Michael and Jenny's house to celebrate the twins' birthday so we'll be gone most of Saturday.  She can work on her project after school each day and will need to finish it by Monday as it has to be turned in next week.  The projects she has are really interesting and fun, but it is a beating to try to get her to work on them and do her best.  It's easy if she just does it sloppy and fast.  The hard part is trying to motivate her to actually work on them while doing the best she can.


Saturday, September 15, 2012

I Was Runnin'

Madi wanted to go running with me last night so both she and Riley came for a one mile interval train.  Actually, they chose the interval portion :)  I just followed along with whenever they needed a break.  They did a really great job!!!  Madi is an awesome sprinter. Not much endurance, but definitely strong at speed for short distances!  She'd do fabulous on a track team!  It was a lot of fun!

Today she is working on a cover made out of duct tape for one of her notebooks upstairs - just for fun!  It looks really cool!!  She has a math project to finish this weekend.  She has to find an article online or in a newspaper that deals with math and then explain what she thinks about it.  She chose a really great one about credit cards and it has quite a bit of information she'll need to have explained to understand how the economy works and what it is trying to say about credit, but we have the master of finance in the house so she won't have any problems!  And I have no doubt that Jeremy will be able to help her understand it in simplistic terms.  Should be a great paper!

Madi's science teacher told her that she absolutely loved her science project and that she adored it.  She earned a total of 15 points out of 15 points.  I'm sure she'll find that she has great grades this year with all the work she's putting into things.  One of her goals was to work harder on her projects and she is definitely doing that.  She has really come SOOO far since last year.  It's really great to see!!  And she's taking so much pride in her work which is also very important.  A great feeling to know you've done your best.

Madi earned a 100% on her place value test in math this week as well.  Has been another awesome week for her!!  She will give her student council speech on Tuesday to find out if she has won the position of secretary.  She decided to run for secretary instead of V.P. as she liked what the secretary gets to do more than what the V.P. gets to do.  Thought she made a great choice as she really would do a great job on it!!




Thursday, September 13, 2012

Speech! Speech!

Madi has decided to run for the office of Secretary for Student Council.  She's working on a few posters to put up around the school and will be working on her speech this weekend.  She's nervous because she is against a girl who also moved here last year and neither one of them wants to go against the other.  She said she doesn't like to go against friends because she feels bad if she loses but she feels bad for her friend if the friend loses.  She's nervous she won't win it, but at the same time, it's very nice to know that no matter what, she'll be a part of Student Council.  So excited for her!


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Student Council Election Day

Madi prepared her speech last night.  We reviewed it in the car this morning and she read it to us as we drove.  Then she rewrote it neater once we were at school so that she could read it without having to read through things she had crossed out.  She told me this morning that she said a prayer about the elections.  I told her that I hoped that everything turned out great for her!  We then prayed about the day and how she would feel good about trying for a spot for her class even if she didn't get it.

Her speech was written excellent!  She and I talked over some things that would make her a good representative and I asked her what things she has done in the past that would show she is a leader.  I didn't get much time with her to work on it and really wanted her to write her as it would be more sincere and if she spent the time on it, she'd care more about it.

There were a lot of girls in her class who were hoping to be on student council.  A few that had been on student council last year and are fabulous leaders and examples in class.  The kids all take turns reading their papers or poems or whatever they have prepared for the class.  They all vote for one boy and one girl.  Some of the kids put up posters - most did not.  The posters are usually made from cardstock or posterboard and say "Vote for___!"

One of the kids did the most awesome posters I've seen in a long time.  One had Chuck Norris and said "Chuck Norris isn't running for Student Council because he's voting for Andrew!"  Another one said "I pity the fool who doesn't vote for Andrew!"  They were awesome!!

Other kids brought in bribes and tried to win over classmates by giving candy pieces or small bags of chips with small papers attached with "Vote for ___" or whatever.  Most kids see right through this and love the food, but don't necessarily vote just because of candy.  So we wouldn't let Madi do it.  We told her that if she was voted in, it would be because she was thought of as being able to be responsible and that she'd do a great job.

This afternoon she came into my room with a huge smile and thumbs up.  She was SOOO excited!!!  We think it is awesome that she was elected.  I think it will be a big boost to her self esteem and give her responsibility in an area that will be excellent for her.  They will meet one Friday every month after school and she'll be involved in activities and assignments and things for the school.

Has been a great start to the week for sure!!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Watch out for Dangerous Straws!

The nurse came to find me at a meeting this morning.  She told me Madi had a bloody nose right before school ended and she wanted to let me know, but didn't want to interrupt the meeting.  So the nurse came and told me.  I thanked her!  Thought that was very kind of Madi to not interrupt and was respectful.  Just glad she was fine!!

Apparently she was standing in line with all of her things and holding her water bottle in her hand.  It was a rather long red plastic straw and it sits up inside of a clear cup.  They are required to have clear containers in fifth grade so that they know they are drinking water.

Madi sneezed.  And as she sneezed, her head went forward and her arm went up which forced the straw of the water bottle up inside of her nose and deep up inside.  It cut her nose and caused it to bleed.

Knowing she was ok, I thought this was sad, painful and hilarious at the same time.  Her nose is not that large and her sneezes are usually very tiny and not very powerful.  Amazing that the straw would find her nostril and even be able to fit inside it!  I'm thankful that she was just fine - it hurt a lot, but I'm very glad she is ok.

I just picture it happening and can't imagine what it'd be like to sneeze and end up with a straw up your nose!

Lunchbox and School Council

Has been a nice, short, four day week at school.  Kids are getting more into the swing of things.  Madi has three projects assigned and has started two of them.  She'll have some time on Saturday morning to get the posters started and possibly look into her third project for Math.  She had her first night of homework since school started and it was a simple math worksheet that she needed to just finish up.

Student Council elections are coming up and she's planning to run for it.  Would LOVE to see her be on it and think it would be really great for her.  There are a ton of kids who want to do it, but I'm glad she's working on her speech and wanting to go for it.  Would be very positive for her to have a leadership role I think.

She is loving her teachers!!  Her homeroom teacher, Mrs. Von, absolutely loves her!  She has made several comments about what a sweetheart she is and how great she is doing.  I talked to her LEAP teacher the other day and while they haven't started LEAP yet (starts next week), she did meet with them briefly.  We were talking about what a difference this past year has made and she told me that Madi is so different and has come a long way.  She said she is more mature this year and more self-assured.  I would have to agree.  Mrs. Campbell, her teacher last year, has also mentioned how great Madi is doing which is awesome.  Madi is very comfortable at the school and it is great that she is not the new kid this year.  She has made some new friends as we were rezoned so we have 120+ kids that are new to our school.  She's figuring her way around and navigating some good friendships which is awesome.

We measured her in her closet a week or so ago, but I don't think I mentioned it.  I had measured how tall she was last August when school had started.  She has grown about 5-6 inches since last August.  Not to mention what she may have grown between May and August when she first came.  That's a lot of height!

On Tuesday, she left her lunchbox in the bin in the classroom.  As well as her backpack in her locker.  Our rule has always been that we don't do special privileges and we don't do anything that other students wouldn't be able to do.  So we talked about responsibility and reminded her to get it the next day.  Wednesday came and she still forgot it.

Today she walks into the classroom and the lunchbox is not in the bin.  She even talks to Mrs. Von who tells her that she saw it last night and knows it was there, but it is gone.  Madi said she was sorry and I told her that I knew she was.  And told her I wanted her to think about two things:  why she forgot it and what she needed to do to remember it.

She asked me if I was mad.  I told her that I was not happy about it and that sometimes the best lessons in life are learned through mistakes.  So she asked if I was ok with it.  I told her I'm not happy she forgot it and that it was taken when she could have remembered it and brought it home.  But that if she could figure out why she kept forgetting it (talking with friends, rushing into line - whatever the case may be) that she could form a new habit. And that evaluating what she would do next time, would help her make better choices.  That she will remember how it felt losing an expensive lunchbox with expensive inserts and items inside.  And that she won't want this to happen again.

The lunchbox was used for six days.  We bought it from Pottery Barn.  Actually, we gave my parents money so that she could pick one out there and they picked it up for her.  Even had an embroidered M on a patch on the front of it.  We're talking a $32 lunchbox.  We had bought the girls special containers with ice packs and sections inside of it.  They were $7.99 and the large container with two small containers and an ice pack were inside.  So $40 of items gone.

We talked to her about how it isn't really the lunchbox that is the issue.  It is the source of the problem.  Being responsible is a big deal and makes a difference.  A lunchbox can be replaced, but it shouldn't have to be as she should have been responsible to take care of it.  Especially with several reminders and opportunities to do it.  And it wasn't done.

We talked with her about how being responsible with what you have sets you up for making bigger decisions as she gets older and being able to get further in life and make better choices and with that comes great opportunity to do great things.  She'll have the consequence of purchasing her own lunchbox now and we'll save up her allowance for her so she can get a new one.  Until then, she's taking her lunch in a Walmart sack.  Not because we don't want her to have one.  But living out the consequence of not taking care of her item will help her remember to be more responsible with what she has.  Totally stinks that it has been stolen.  But it could have been prevented.

I'm still sending out an all-call at school and as her lunchbox has the embroidered patch and has her name in sharpie on the inside, it'd be hard not to recognize it.  And it is a rare print that is on it so it'd be easy to identify.


Happy Birthday Monica!

Madi was so happy to chat with you even for just a short while tonight.  Was so nice for her to be able to wish you a happy birthday!!  Hope it is a great one!!!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Labor Day Weekend

Today was good!  We went to church.  Riley and Madi learned about respect in their class.  Riley said she absolutely loves the worship time and it's her favorite!  Madi said she agreed.  Glad they are loving it!

We came home and Madi started working on her English project for Language Arts.  She has two projects.  Both are considered extra credit, but highly advised to do them as they can help boost your grade.  When she got them, she said she was going to do them.  Definitely can't hurt!  Then when it came to doing the work on Saturday morning (we've set aside a no computer, no ipod, no tv time until after lunch to leave time for chores and homework on sat/sun), I asked if she wanted to start on her project.  She told me that she wasn't going to do them.  I looked at her and said that she is given a chance to boost her grade, to demonstrate going above and beyond what they are doing in the classroom and to do a project that really won't take her very long and she wasn't going to do it?  Both Jeremy and I gave her a lecture on working hard, doing your best and taking advantage of every opportunity to get the best grade and learn the most that she can.  To not just skate by.  We reminded her that she had made two goals for herself for this year:

1 - To get all A's
2 - To work hard and do her best on all projects.

We were frustrated as she was simply wanting to be lazy and didn't want to do work.  Totally understand it is the first week of school.  The project is due in four weeks so she has plenty of time.  But her tendency is to wait last minute and then do lazy work that isn't up to par with what she could do if she applied herself.  However, she can turn it in anytime and she has absolutely no homework taking up her time so it's the perfect opportunity to knock it out and do a little each weekend so it can be done well over time rather than waiting until the last minute.  We didn't care if she worked for an hour or four or whatever.  The point was that she should at least try and do it.  We both told her she would be an idiot for not taking advantage of such an easy boost to her grade.  And that it would be a good challenge for her and she'd learn new things.  We told her she needed to push herself.  That she has no limitations or needs that hold her back.  She doesn't fight any learning disabilities and things come easy to her so she needs to challenge herself and go for it.  And thankfully, she started it.

She chose to learn about Leonardo Da Vinci for the science project.  She read on a website that he was involved in sodomy.  Jeremy had the job of explaining that one - ha!  Though Da Vinci is truly amazing in all that he has invented.  Honestly never thought of him as more than a painter!  I think she'll have a lot of fun with the project.  The other one she has to make a poster board into a movie poster.  She's reading one of the Maximum ride books and has to cast her characters with real life people and then create the movie poster.  Should be another fun one too!

Tonight my parents came over and the girls had a fabulous time with them!  Madi set up a store in the playroom and Riley set up a store.  It was cute to see them selling items.  Madi had it all figured out and had us signing papers as we paid with credit card.  Riley sold everything for free.

Tomorrow we have off for Labor Day and there are no plans.  A no-homework, no-project day as it is a holiday!  Then we'll jump into a great week of school!!  So far, it's been an awesome year!